Dear future newlyweds,
If you’ve ever googled “How much does the average wedding cost?” you’ve probably been smacked in the face with a number like $30,000.
I think this is wrong, and I think you are being gaslit.
Here’s why. While, yes, that may be a reasonable, average budget for some, it is by no means a universal truth. Wedding budgets are deeply personal and wildly variable. Your location, age, financial circumstances, family contributions, priorities, and values can make your budget way way more or way way less. For example, my own wedding in 2016 cost less than $5,000, and I promise you, it was just as meaningful and beautiful as any six-figure event I’ve filmed.
But here’s the problem: major publications are the people who are telling you that the “average” cost of a wedding is $30,000, while simultaneously only publishing and showcasing weddings that are deep into the six-figure range. I’m not saying this with the intent to drag these publications, but I do think what they are doing is unethical and unfair. Couples are bombarded with these stunning editorial, Pinterest-perfect aesthetics, and an algorithm of TikToks that subtly (or not-so-subtly) imply that the only way to have a “beautiful” wedding is to spend a fortune. Then, when you start reaching out to vendors and getting quotes that don’t align with what you thought was “normal” you’re left feeling confused, disheartened, and maybe even ashamed.
Let me say this again and loudly: You are not crazy. You are just being gaslit.
It’s an issue so much larger than I can personally tackle, but I do think there is a place where we can start. I believe every wedding professional needs to be a little more upfront about what their services cost and what couples can realistically expect. And for you couples, there should be zero shame in prioritizing (or not prioritizing) whatever makes a wedding meaningful to you.
As a destination wedding videographer, most couples spend about $8k to $10k with me, including travel. I know that for some couples, this is reasonable, and for others, it’s completely out of reach. And that’s okay! My work is a luxury service, as are many professionals I collaborate with. My pricing reflects my time, expertise, cost of gear, and, most importantly, the experience I bring to couples.
But this is where transparency is key because I will never judge a couple who reaches out with a budget that doesn’t align with my rates. I will see if there is a way to make it work. If I can, I’ll refer them to a videographer who might be a better fit. And no matter what, I will always wish them the happiest marriage.
So, where do you start when planning your wedding budget? My advice is simple:
Savor your engagement. Before you even think about planning, set aside a specific period of time, whether it’s a few weeks or a few months, to just enjoy being engaged. Sit in those happy, giddy little feelings. Romanticize the heck out of it. Celebrate, dream, and revel in this chapter of your love story before diving into logistics.
When you are ready, decide what matters most. When you do begin planning, each of you should separately choose one element of the wedding that means the most to you. Just one gorgeous, glorious thing that you would like to splurge on, something that will make you smile. Whatever it is, start there. Build your budget around what actually holds meaning for you, rather than what the internet says is “necessary” or “trendy” or “timeless” okay?
Your wedding should be a reflection of your love. Not a reflection of industry trends. Not a replica of a mood board. Not a pressure-fueled production designed to impress other people. And if you want a caviar wedding on an instant noodles budget, know that it’s possible. With intention, creativity, and a little flexibility, you can create a day that feels luxurious in all the ways that matter to you without sacrificing your financial peace of mind.
I hope this message reaches the couples who need to hear it. And if you want practical tips on how to cut costs while still creating something beautiful, I’m more than happy to share that information. But for now, just know this…
However you choose to celebrate, however much you do or don’t spend, your wedding is already perfect because it’s yours.
With a whole lot of love,
Jess
